It
wasn't supposed to be like this this year!
This
was supposed to be the year when we didn't have to look at the coming
winter with a gnawing feeling of dread. This was supposed to be the
year when we had all the funding we need for the cold months to come
secured and squared away. This was supposed to be the year when all
we needed to focus on was feeding the 4000 hungry folk who will be
arriving at our door once the clocks change and the cold starts to
bite.
Well,
it hasn't turned out that way. So here I am again yet again with a
begging bowl in my hand and a rather desperate look in my eyes. It
seems the only way we will get through the winter in one piece is if
you gusy are willing to pick us up and carry us through.
Again.
So,
what has happened? Small print mainly. Why do well paid beaurocrats
always seem to want to use the small print to completely screw front
line charities like Firth Base? Search me. I actually think we do a
pretty good job, but I am kind of biased when all is said and done.
Let's
go back a few months. One day I received a call from a local
journalist who was interested to hear what I though about the
discovery of all the 'Anti Poverty' money.
“What
Anti Poverty Money?” I asked him, proving just how far my finger is
from the pulse of our local council.
The
journalist gave me the bones of a rather remarkable emerging story.
Dumfries and Galloway Council had discovered over two million pound's
worth of Anti Pverty money down the back of the sofa. It had been
gathering for three years and now someone had pulled off the cushions
and there it was.
Well
obviously there wasn't an actual sofa. Instead there was a nosy young
Councilor who used a Public Information Request to prize out the
truth. Initially the Council leadership met the allegation with
vehement denials but soon the truth became impossible to deny.
Urm.
Well. You see....
So
there it was. A whopping £2 million, every penny of which was aimed
at helping out poor folk in Dumfries and Galloway.
So
how did I feel about it? Pretty pissed off, that's how I felt about
it. During the three years the council had been stashing away the
cash Forst Base at almost run out of cash three times. All that
stress and heartache and all the while there was a whole bunch of
cash being squirrraled away for no good reason.
So
I made calls and people started making all kinds of promises and
assurances. Of course the money will be available for First Base to
apply for. Of course it will! It is Anti Poverty funding when all is
said and done and we all know that is exactly what you guys do. You
help out poor people!
But
of course getting everything in place to distribute £2 million to
the front line charities who help those in most pressing need takes
time. Protocaols need to be put in place. Application forms need to
be created. Criterea need to be listed. But we were told not to worry
ourselves. A happy ending was on the way. And for the forst time ever
First Base could go into a winter without wondering just how the hell
we will get through to spring.
So.
Hunky dory. It seemed there would be no need to bother you guys with
a begging bowl for once.
In
the mean time I filled in an application for Scottish Government
funding which was forty pages long and might as well have been in
Mandarin for all the sense it made to me. It was called 'The Equality
and Cohesion Fund'. It seemed to me we should be eligible. Equality
and Cohesion? Yeah. We do that. I like to think I have a reasonable
vocabulary. I've written 25 books and I have an English A level.
However my list of words didn't come close to equiping me for this
beauty. I reackon I got about one word in three. Seriously, you've
never seen jargo like it. Chris from the Council was my guide and
translator and we managed to fill in the mighty form and send it off.
Chris reckoned we had a decent chnace of success. I wasn't so sure.
The
rejection letter duly arrived a couple of months later and an
explanatory phone call was promised. When I took the call the guy on
the other end of the line said we had fallen foul of the small print.
Some minion in the Government had decided only charities who were
Limited Companies could be trusted with government funds.
As
in the big ones like Barnados and Shelter and McMillan and the
Trussel Trust
Small
fry like First Base were deemed to be too dodgy. Thanks guys. I guess
the minion who came up with this new bit of small print doesn't much
rate all the small, community based front line charities who have
done the heavy lifting for the last ten years of austerity.
For
First Base to tear up our constitution and become a Limided Company
would cost us £5000 a year. Would it make us a safer bet for the
pubic pound? Of course it wouldn't. Last year Kids Company proved
beyond all reasonable doubt that size is no guarantee of security.
Anyway.
Not to worry. There was still the back of the sofa two million to be
bid for. Just wait until the autumn.....
Well
it is Autumn. The leaves are on the turn and the nights are drawing
in. And I have no doubt you will guess what is coming next. Oh yeah.
Of course you can.
Mark
…. hi... look we're really sorry. I mean we are really, really,
truly sorry....
There's
small print, you see. We hadn't realised before. You know, when we
told you not to worry. When we tasked you to be patient and bear with
us....
You
see, the small print says only the Council is allowed to spend the £2
million. We're not allowed to give it to any charities......
Nice.
And
how very convenient in a time of cuts. I made abunch of calls and ran
into familiar brick walls. Elected councilors were pretty outraged.
Council officials explained the small print was the small print and
when all is said and done, the small print is God.
And
the small print declared not a penny of the back of the sofa treasure
trove would be finding its way to the small, front line charities of
Dumfries and Galloway who do the donkey work of helping people in
dire need.
One
thing in particular really got my goat. We were hoping to apply for
£15,000. This is the cash we need to make it through to the end of
the winter. This is the cash we are now asking you to help us with.
And of course the small print says we have to look elesewhere for the
£15,000
Here
is what the small print said was absolutely fine and dandy. The
Council is spending £15,000 on delivering training sessions to
Councillors and officials which will help then to understand why
people get poor. Seriously. £15,000. They must think our local
councillors have been living in some kind of Tibetan monastary for
the last ten years where there is no TV.
I
asked who was going to be doing the training. I pointed out we would
have been more than happy to tell our Councilors all they need to
know about local poverty. After all, this is what we do. Every single
day. And we would have do it free of charge because that is also what
we do.
Well
guess what. The money is being paid to a charity. Not a tow bit
outfit like First Base with our peeling wall paper and freezing
basement. A proper charity. A big charity. A limited company charity
from from the big city with central heating set to a cosy 75 degrees.
Not
that I mean to sound bitter or anything!
On
the day I received the news about the latest small print I answered a
call from the Social Services in Annan.
“We're
going through your food parcels really quickly. I mean, really really
quickly. We can barely keep up. Could you send us another forty five
please?”
Of
course we could. And of course we did. Because the social workers are
excellent and they only hand out our food parcels to people who
really need them. To people experiencing serious poverty.
The
Annan Social Work Department is a part of the Council of course. It
seems there is no small print to stop them picking up the phone and
asking us to send along £500 worth of goods. This winter the
Council's homeless department and social work department will hand
out well over £6000 worth of our food parcels. And by hook or by
crook we will make sure the food is there for them to give out. Of
course we will. It is what we do. We won't create small print to stop
this happening. It would be totally unfair to the people who need
emergency food and the excellent homeless officers and social workers
who are doing their best to help them out.
But
it sucks.
And
so here we are again. Groundhog Day. I have set up a JustGiving page
and this year's target is £15,000. Last year I said I would live off
one of our food parcels for four days. It was ridiculous really. We
actually pride ourselves on the food parcels we give out and living
off one for four days was no kind of hardship. Whatever. It didn't
stop you guys from being unbelievably generous.
So
this year I have done something rather more demanding than eating
more tinned food than usual. I am way to old for climbing Kilimanjaro
or jumping out of a plane.
So
have written a book. My twenty fifth. And all proceeds will go to
filling our £15,000 hole.
The
book is called 'The Last Colonial War'. That's it up at the top of
the page. I will be publishing a chapter a day right here over the
next thirty days or so. And of course atb the end of each Chapter
will be a link to our latest Just Giving page. Hopefully if people
enjoy the story they will be minded to bung us a couple of quid.
Alternatively, if you want to read the whole thing straight away you
can buy it in the Amazon Kindle store for £4 by following this link.
So
what is 'The Last Colonial War' all about. This is the blurb from the
back cover. This is a digital back cover by the way: First Base
certainly can't run to turning the book into a paperback!
JUNE
2030
Countries
across the world are reeling with the effects of accelerating climate
change. Failed harvests, raging bush fires, and widespread water
rationing are bringing many nations to boiling point.
Scotland
and England are headed in very different directions.
After
six years of independence, Scotland has become one of the fastest
growing economies in the world. As global temperatures rise, the
Scots are suddenly blessed with an abundance of scarce resources.
South
of the border things are very different. England has been in steep
decline in the years since Brexit. Banks have fled the City of London
and the Government is finding it hard to secure buyers for new issues
of Government Bonds.
By
2030 things in England are becoming dire. Constant riots, failing
services, and a collapsing currency have brought the country to the
brink of collapse.
The
English Prime Minister is backed into a corner. England is on the
brink of becoming a failed State. He has to find something to turn
things around before his Government is engulfed by the growing
anarchy.
He
needs to do something to win back the support of his people and to
halt England's descent....
He
looks north to England's booming neighbour and decides on a final
throw of the dice....
The
Last Colonial War.
This
is the story of men and women in high office who call the shots. It
is also the story of the men and women on the ground whose actions
decide the course of the war.
“It
is tempting to simply treat 'The Last Colonial War' as an enjoyable
page turner and say, oh but of course it couldn't actually happen...
But then again.....”
I
guess about half of the people of Scotland will really like it. The
other half? Maybe not so much! It was an interesting story to write.
To picture the world in 2030 I worked on three basic premises. One,
Brexit will be a complete car crash. Two, once this becomes clear,
Scotland will see sense and jump the sinking UK ship. Three, in
thirteen years time the impact of climate change will be really
serious.
The
story first started to germinate when I watched the film 'The Big
Short'. Maybe you have seen it? It tells the story of the guys who
saw the 2007 financial crash coming and bet the farm on their gut
feeling. The main guy was called Michael Burry. Christian Bale played
him in the movie. Burry bet $1.3 billion and won. Everyone said he
was barking mad. What got my attention was a line right at the ned of
the movie. Once he banked his winnings Michael left Scion Capital and
the world's money markets. Ever since he has only invested in one
thing.
Water.
He
is convinced water will soon becone the new oil. I reckon he is
absolutely right. And guess what, Scotland has to be just about the
best placed country on earth to collect water. When we ad water to
all of our other natural resources, the future of an Independent
Scotland promises to be bright indeed. Things aren't nearly so bright
southn of the border where the whole system relies on the average
London house continuing to be worth £500,000. Is this possible when
the average London salary is £40,000? Of course it isn't. And when
the vast housing bubble bursts the whole house of cards will come
down.
How
will the people of England feel about their leaders when they are
told to cough up £50 to see a doctor in order to balance the books?
And what is the favourite ploy of desperately unpopular politicians
when all else is failing.....?
1982?
A jolly good war....... ?
And
let's face it, London has plenty of previous when it comes to
marching armies into Scotland .
I
hope you give it a read and I hope you enjoy it. You can go stright
to chapter one by following the link below.
If
you like the book please share it with everyone you can think of
To
help us out with our £15,000 hole please follow this link here.
And
that's it. It is time for crossed fingers. All I can do now is watch
this space and hope you guys come through for us.
Again.
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