We are truly blessed to live in such a time of miracles. Not
since Jesus did his stuff in the rocky hills and valleys of Galilee
have so many sick people miraculously become well. Are we witnessing the hand
of God? Are stone statues about to shed tears? Is the Second Coming nigh?
Anyone running a B&B in the town of Lourdes
must be frantically revising their sales forecasts down and trying to work out
what the hell they are going to say to their bank manager. After all, who in
their right mind would want to shell out for an all-in package to Lourdes to get well when all you have to do is come to the
UK
and apply for sick pay. You fill in the form, attend and medical and lo and
behold, you are suddenly as fit as a flea. Surely we are missing out on a huge
opportunity to boost growth here. Our sudden ability to provide a miracle cure
to people who have been too sick to work for ten years or more is absolutely
groundbreaking. Why are we not hitting the rest of the world with a blanket
advertising campaign?
Cue serious anchor man voice. Probably American.
“Are you sick? I mean really sick? And have you been sick
for years? Well help is at hand. Come to the UK and get well soon. Leprosy?
Aids? Ebola Virus? No matter. We Brits can fix it all. Just one medical and you
can get back to work. Come to Britain
where we fix more people than Jesus!”
What a shot in the economic arm. We can pack out every hotel
from Paisley to Penzance . Book a flight. Catch
a show. Try some fish and chips. Attend a medical and poof! …. you’re well
again!
What is hard to understand is why all these people who have
been too sick to work for years and years and years are not thronging the
streets and jumping for joy and punching the air and skipping about like spring
lambs. I mean, come on. If you had been deemed too sick to work for fifteen
years and condemned to a life of daytime TV, wouldn’t you be pretty damned
cock-a-hoop if you heard that all is now well and highly trained medical staff
have deemed you to be fit as a flea?
So what is the problem with these silly people? Every day
they come mooching into First Base with long faces and tales of woe. The tale
is usually the same. They have been signed off sick for ten years and more.
They have depression. Or anxiety. Or a drink problem. Or a bad back. Or all of
the above. And their GP has always agreed that work is out of the question and
signed on the dotted line to confirm it. And then out come a clear blue sky
cometh a letter from the DWP in London ordering
them to a medical to be carried out by highly trained folks from France .
And the results of the medical never vary. Sick people are miraculously cured.
Wonderful. No more depression or anxiety or drink problem. All gone. All
better. However, instead of being elated at their new found good health, the
miraculously cured are instead morose and bitter and angry. How dare they! They
gave me no points! They are saying that I am well!
Then what happens? Again, the story tends to be the same.
The sick person puts in an appeal against the decision they are in fact not
sick after all. Their benefits get cut whilst they count down the days to their
appeal hearing. The reduced level of benefits tends to cover power but not food
and so a support agency sends them along to us for a food parcel. Not many win their
appeals to become sick again. Most in the know reckon a figure of about 20% is
there or there abouts. And then? Another appeal. And another. One of our guys
is onto his fifth. Every time his doctor is adamant that he is sick whilst the
miracle cure men from France
say he is in the pink.
The bottom line? To be honest the vast majority of the folk
we see are more than capable of working and have been so for years. They have
had a drug problem and been put on methadone. Those tasked with supporting them
know full well that if they go onto Jobseekers Allowance they will miss
appointments and be suspended which will mean no housing benefits and
subsequent eviction. Much better to tell them to spin a line about being
depressed and anxious which means they only need to get their act together to
sign on the dotted line once a month. They do not have to go through the
bothersome routine of applying for jobs and filling in progress forms. And best
of all, they get another £30 a week or so which is incentive enough for them to
make that all important monthly appointment to sign on the dotted line. Other
than that, they can crack on and top up their daily dose of methadone with
whatever cocktail of cider, supa-lager and valium they can afford.
We have had endless arguments with support workers about
this nonsense for years. A lad goes to jail for three months, gets clean, fills
out on three square meals a day and emerges clear headed and motivated to
change his life around. What is the absolute best thing to make this happen? A
job! A chance to make a living, meet new pals whose lives don’t revolve around
the next score and a chance to regain some self respect. Instead their support
workers get them signed off sick and tell them that it is for the best. And
when this goes on for years and years, not surprisingly people become quite
convinced that they are indeed sick and incapable of ever completing a day’s
work. The prospect of not being sick is terrifying. They become hyper
protective of their benefits and prescriptions. Mentally they become hard wired
to feel sick, for being seen to be well is a nightmare. And if you concentrate
hard enough on feeling sick, I guess you will indeed feel sick.
Now everyone is in a lather with the Government about this.
We are hearing all the stuff about wicked, heartless Etonian bastards whose big
dream in life is to spit roast the babies of the poor and turn them into pate.
Surely the real blame lies with governments of all colours going back thirty
years and more. In order to pretend they were doing a tip top job, they needed
to boast about how far unemployment had fallen. So they took unemployed people,
told them they were sick, bribed them with an extra £30 a week and duly signed
them off. Hunky bloody dory.
Had this new miracle cure process been carried out back in
2000 when things were not so bad, things could have been very different. The
French miracle workers could have told people that they were not sick after
all. The newly cured would have gone onto Jobseekers, had to go through the
routine of looking for work, and in most cases they would have got an actual
job. Because back in 2000 there were lots of actual jobs for them to get. But
instead, for the sake of lying at election time, the Government of the day
preferred to keep people sick and it didn’t matter anyway because the City of London was coughing up
more than enough tax to pay all the bills.
So what happened? A million East Europeans in the very
rudest of health came over and filled all the jobs. Well best of luck to them,
but those vacancies should never have been there for them to fill. Now there
are no vacancies and the sick of 2000 have been convincing themselves of their
own sickness for thirteen long years. Can they compete in the work place with
some highly motivated and well educated 19 year old from Poznan ? Can they hell.
What next? Well many we see will indeed cock it up once they
are expected to meet the rigorous routine of the Job Centre Plus and more and
more will be suspended from all benefits. And they will get evicted. And for a
while we will all stump up £30 a day to keep them in homeless hostels until the
Government decides it can’t afford that either. Then it will be cardboard boxes
under bridges and jail when they get desperate.
You know what, when Jesus healed the poor things seemed to
work out better.