Obviously,
we will be able to manage on our own. Think about a few of the
countries who have taken their baby steps into independence over the
last few years. Slovenia, Slovakia, Croatia. They are not exactly
massive countries blessed with oil fields and millions of acres of
corn. And yet they have all managed to find their feet pretty
confidently as far as I can tell.
We
have so much more going for us than any other small country who has
become independent in the last fifty years. It is so blindingly
obvious I always find it hard to believe anyone can think otherwise.
I guess this is what you get after 300 years of misinformation,
brainwashing and lies.
So
what has brought all this on? Two days at the Edinburgh Festival has
brought this on. If there is any event on planet Earth capable of
holding a candle to the Edinburgh Fringe, then I am yet to hear about
it, let alone be a part of it.
Sure
there are 3500 acts and God alone knows how many visitors, but the
star of the show is the same every year.
The
city itself.
Independence
will mean Edinburgh will almost automatically win the prize for being
the most drop dead gorgeous capital city on planet earth every year. I've been to more than my share of capitals and thus far nowhere has
come close. Prague is great in the centre, but the outskirts are as
grim as hell. Same with Budapest. Certainly the same with Paris and
London. Washington, Moscow and Berlin are as bland as a Tesco own brand
cheddar cheese sandwich. In fact, the only capital cities I have ever
visited which manage to come close are Rome and Athens, both of which have way
too many people and a whole bunch of pollution.
Think
about it. Has any newly independent country in all history ever had
such
an oven ready capital city to move into? Answers on a postcard. But
bugger that. The answer is no. End of story.
The
streets under all those mighty buildings of the Enlightenment become more
cosmopolitan with every passing year. As the white half of a mixed
race couple, I have a highly trained eye for this kind of thing. Over the last two days I lost count of how many
white grandparents I clocked out and about with their brown grand kids. The tiny
grandmother with her hulking six foot four grandson carrying all the
bags. The beaming white granddad pushing a buggy loaded up with brown
twins. We were only a hundred miles or so north of the Brexit
heartlands, but it felt like half a world. Of course, there were
bagpipes and tartan and Harris Tweed everywhere you looked, but the
tourist kitsch was nothing more than a minor sideshow.
The
main event was all about young and old and black and white and
straight and gay all getting along without an eyelid being batted.
The city was hosting tens of thousands of visitors and yet there was
barely a copper in sight. If such an event as the Fringe was hosted by London,
Paris or New York, they would have tanks on the streets and
helicopter gunships in the sky.
When exactly was it when Scotland
became Scandinavian? Who knows? But this is what we are now.
Edinburgh feels much more like Oslo or Stockholm than London. It just
looks a whole lot better and the pubs are a bloody sight cheaper.
A
few things really smacked me in the face over the last couple of
days.
First up, anyone who ever visits the Fringe cannot fail to be
impressed by the its sheer efficiency. It runs on rails. Shows are never late, seats are never double
booked. It is hard to see the Germans or Japanese making a better job
of it. If we can run the biggest festival of its kind in the world as
smoothly as this, who can say we can't run our own country every
bit as well.
Next
up. The fastest growing industry in the world right now is Tourism –
by a country mile. One in eleven of the global workforce is now
employed by the tourist sector. In 1989, before the Berlin Wall came
down, 25 million people a year took a trip outside of their own country for
leisure. Last year the figure was more than a billion for the first
time. That's right. A forty fold increase. This is what happens when
people in China and India and a whole bunch of other fast developing
countries suddenly have the wherewithal
to take a holiday. And guess what? Scotland is high on their wish list
of places to go.
Half
an hour's worth of people watching from a pavement cafe during the
Festival is more than enough to see we Scots are actually pretty good
at the whole being bloody good hosts thing. The more the rest of the
world cottons on to the fact that we have become such an open,
non-racist, non-xenophobic place, the more tourists will start to
beat a path to our door.
I have plenty of first-hand experience of
lots of countries where things are not exactly comfortable for anyone
who isn't chalky white. Most of Eastern Europe has pretty well become
a no go area. France, Italy and Spain are getting that way. Only
Germany is wall to wall comfortable. Well, think about this for a
moment. Most of the money in the world is flowing East to Asia. All
of a sudden China and India have a middle class of over a billion.
These are the tourists of the 21st
Century and each and every one of them is yellow or brown. When they
take a holiday, they will want to visit places which are cool with
people who are yellow or brown.
It
won't take them so very long to learn which places to give a wide
berth to. And there's no point beating about the bush here, the lands
of good old Brexit Central are not about to be high on anyone's list.
American tourism has completely tanked since Trump was elected. Well,
Gee. Who woulda figured? You fan the flames of racist nastiness and
lo and behold lots of black, yellow and brown people start to vote
with their feet.
So
I will say it again. Tourism is the fastest growing global industry
and places who don't do xenophobia and racism are about to hit the
jackpot. And guess what? We're one of those places. We are all set to
cash in on the 'Becoming Scandinavian' dividend.
OK.
One last thing. It hit me for the first time yesterday and this for
me is a really, really big thing. A massive thing.
All
over the world, the creeping forces of repression are taking an ever
tighter hold. China, India, Russia, Poland, Hungary, Turkey, Egypt,
even the United States. Journalists and authors and singers and
playwrights are being locked up in ever growing numbers for saying
things their government doesn't want them to say: things their
government won't allow them to say. We are quietly entering a new era
of the four in the morning heavy knock at the door.
Come
with us.
NOW!
Whack.
House clearance KGB style.
All
of this probably means the Fringe is now the greatest celebration of
free speech to be found anywhere. You can say what you like at the
Fringe. You can take the piss out of Gods and Governments alike. You
are free to offend. To be controversial. To get under the skin. There
is no Government subsidy to be used to ban anyone. To muzzle anyone.
To de-list anyone. It hit me just how completely appropriate it is
for the city which once hosted the Enlightenment should now offer a
home to the greatest celebration of free speech in a world where so
many millions are being slowly muzzled.
This
is something we should shout from the rooftops about. But we don't of
course. Which is ridiculous. Fair enough, 300 years of being on the
battered end of an abusive relationship doesn't exactly prepare
anyone for being good at shouting stuff from the rooftops, but we're
going to have to get over it. It's high time we learned how to blow
our own trumpet.
Over
the next few days, I am going to bend the ears of my two local MSP's.
I'll name them. Why the hell not? Joan McAlpine and Emma Harper. I
think they must both already be pissed off with me droning on about
how Scotland should jump onto the front foot and start making a bit
of noise in the world. The rules of our wonderful Union mean only the
public school boys of Her Majesty's Foreign and Commonwealth Office
are allowed to talk to foreigners and do the whole diplomacy thing.
The grown up stuff. It is deemed to be far too complicated for simple unwashed plebs like
us.
Well,
screw that.
So
here's an idea. Google tells me there are 196 independent countries
in the world at this moment in time. Here's what I think we should
do. We should get in touch with them all and make them an offer. They
can go to whichever University is number one in their country and
identify five students to send to the Edinburgh Festival for a week.
At our expense.
A thousand in all. We will box off a thousand rooms
in the University and create a version of the Olympic village. And we
won't micro manage them. We will simply open the door and say on you
go guys, there are 3500 acts out there. Check out as many as you
want. This pass gives you access to all areas. Go have the time of
your lives. We're not about to push any party line
down your throats. Make your own minds up. You see, this is what free
speech looks like in the flesh. And it is a pretty good look.
In
ten or twenty years time, many of these visitors will have grown into
being their country's decision makers. We'll be independent by then
and able to reap dividends from the soft spot they will have
developed for the country which showed them what free speech looked
like.
I
guess it would cost us about half a million a year. Buttons really.
In twenty years time, we could have 20,000 of these guys out there in
every corner of the world. And many will have become our very own friends in high
places, well disposed to the new kid on the block who goes by the
name of Scotland.
The
new kid on the block who knows how to open up the doors and show
people a good time be they white, black, yellow or brown.
It
really is high time we started to find a way to stop cowering in
London's bitter shadow and chucked off the shackles. Once we wake up
to the facts of what we have to offer, we will start to boom. Very
few places have what we have to sell. It is high time we learned how
to sell it.
