And I pick up a pen and
start to scribble down the details of a stranger's despair. A name.
An address in a small village where hope and optimism moved out many
years ago. A family of four. A father recently hospitalised. A mother
even more recently hospitalised. An oldest son layed off after the
Christmas rush.
Not not a penny to their
name. A lousy seven pence on the meter and cupboards as empty as the
promises of a London politician.
No wonder she's sobbing.
I'd be sobbing too. Who wouldn't?
Can we help? Yes, we can
help. I assure her I'll be round the next day. The sticking plaster
man. Which of course takes the sobbing to a whole new level.
And once the phone is back
down on the table, two familiar words hop into my head.
Quiet Desperation.
Penned by Henry David
Thoreau in the depths of a Dickensian world.
'The
mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called
resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go
into the desperate country...'
Morphed
by Pink Floyd to reflect the crashing Seventies.
'Hanging
on in Quiet Deseperation is the English way. The time is gone. The
song is over. Thought I'd something more to say...."
And
then nabbed by yours truly for a black comedy nobody much has ever
read.
Two
simple words: joined. Put together to paint a picture for the ages.
Winners and losers. And the losers are put so far down there
seems no point in trying to find a way to get back up again.
They
make calls to food banks. They sob down the phone.
The
next day, my SatNav finds the place easily enough. A grey village on
a grey day. A place where yesterday is all there is left. Tomorrow
doesn't bare thinking about.
My
knock on the door is answered pretty much straight away. And she's
sobbing within a matter of seconds.
The
immensity of her despair. A morning colder than it really should be
in May. A thin wind straight out of the north slithers between the
pebble dash walls.
Her
leg is swathed in bandages. The word to identify the problem is way
too long and medical for me to remember. It needs the dressing
changing every three days or so. Which means yet another Catch 22.
Without a change of dressing, the problem will only get worse. But a
trained nusrse is required to change the dressing and the trained
nurse is three miles away. And three miles worth of bus fare might as
well be a return ticket to Tokyo. Out of reach. Out of the question.
So
she walks. Three miles there and three miles back. And when she gets
to the surgery, they tell her she really shouldn't walk three miles
because walkng three miles will only make it worse. Stop it healing.
And
she cannot afford to be put back in the hospital. Because her husband
is in a mess. Not coping well. Not coping at all. Recently ill to the
gates of death. Told not to work, but ignoring the advice. Saying
living life without work isn't a thing he wants any part of. He
dissappeared for a few days a few weeks ago. She called the police
and told them she was frightened he was putting his words into
action.
They
found him. Broken. Apologetic. Ashamed.
Quiet
Desperation.
In
theory he has a job now. One of those 2019 theoretical jobs. The
dreaded agency work. Waiting on a text to tell him he has a shift's
worth of work. Nothing for three weeks now. A blank screen. Zero
hours made flesh.
Quiet
Desperation.
Nine
grand's worth of debt and more and more brown envelopes with every
passing day. And 7p on the meter. And cupboards bare. And not a cat
in hell's chance of anything getting any better. Mired. Stuck. Living
out a life which is getting a little bit worse each day.
Quiet
Desperation.
The
bottom of the pile. An still the north wind whistles through the
pebble dash.
I
unload a week's worth of food for a family of four. Her shy fifteen
year old son carries it inside. I get a couple of week's worth of
electric onto the meter and she pretty much breaks down completely.
Relieved.
Humiliated. Ashamed. Beaten. Grateful. A whole bunch of things all
wrapped up together. She reaches out and hugs me. A stranger in a red
van who has turned up with the basics of life. Enough for another
week. Enough for body and soul to be kept togther.
For
another week.
I
climb into my van feeling a familiar low. The joys of being a
sticking plaster man. The phone number of last resort. Well. Not
quite. Second last. Samariatans are the next stop down the line from
us.
And
as I feed myself back onto the main road to Dumfries, my mind wanders
back a few hours to the jumping, howling jubilation of Anfield. A
miracle under the gleaming lights. 53,000 of us screaming out our
defiance. And a few yards away from me on the shining emerald green
carpet were twenty two young men writing a chapter of folklore.
Eleven in the red shirts of Liverpool. Eleven in the yellow shirts of
Barcelona. Wrapped in a YouTube drama for the ages. Ninety minutes of
crazy. An impossible dream made real.
But
now I see things in a different light. Now I start to ad up the
collective salaries of the twenty two young men who had locked horns
in front of a watching world. Maybe £200 million a year? Maybe more?
The
super rich. Living dream lives light years out of the reach of those
of us who howled them on.
Just
a few hours and a hundred and fifty miles or so. The super rich and
the super poor. Fantasy drama to quiet desperation. A cauldren of
bouncing sound to the low whistle of a cruel north wind. The
sparkling palace of Anfield on the greatest European night of all to
the grey despair of an unnoticed village in the south west corner of
Scotland.
Hundreds
of millions of pounds to 7p on the meter.
The
very top to the very bottom. Dreamland to Quiet Desperation in a handful of hours and a hundred and fifty miles.
And
for the sticking plaster man, tomorrow will be yet another day.
More
sobbing on the phone.
If you would like to help First Base to what we do, a donation would be hugely appreciated. You can find our fundraising page via the link below
And if you want to the join the very select band of people who have read my novel, 'Quiet Desperation', you can find it here for the princely sum of £1.99!
As usual, Mark, you have made my tears drop on the keyboard. We live our lives selfishly unaware of the tribulations of our neighbours. I have immense respect for your grit and determination. The empathy which you show deserves more than a hug.
ReplyDeleteTony Hughes
Thanks Tony
ReplyDeleteWow Mark, the strain on you must be immense. Seeing such poverty and desperation as frequently as you do takes a toll. Particularly harrowing is the fact that no one should be experiencing the level of hardship that is evident everywhere now. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteAlways. Thanks Carolyn
ReplyDeleteTears to my eyes. I hope seeing all this desperation isn't taking too much of a toll on you, Mark. Look after yourself, pal. I've seen enough in the police & ambulance service to know how this stuff can affect you.
ReplyDeleteGreat read :) very interesting and poignant.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I would argue that while football players are a minority of super rich folk, and they don't have the control over the legislation that causes these levels of depravity that the elite political class in London does. The heart of the problem lies not in the wages of football players but in the political ideology of the ruling elite. It lies in the lack of understanding of "working class life" (as it has become known) from elites who have never experienced a need for money. The heart of the problem is in the neoliberal, capitalist mantra that has been drummed into every single person in this country who believes that a life without work isn't worth living.
But yeah really great piece.
i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteor
call/whatsapp:+2349057261346
i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
or
call/whatsapp:+2349057261346
Five weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me. It all started when i went to summer camp i was trying to contact him but it was not going through. So when I came back from camp I saw him with a young lady kissing in his bed room, I was frustrated and it gave me a sleepless night. I thought he will come back to apologies but he didn't come for almost three week i was really hurt but i thank Dr.Azuka for all he did i met Dr.Azuka during my search at the internet i decided to contact him on his email dr.azukasolutionhome@gmail.com he brought my boyfriend back to me just within 48 hours i am really happy. What’s app contact : +44 7520 636249
ReplyDelete