I wear two hats when I write this blog of mine. First and foremost, I manage a small charity in a small Scottish town called Dumfries. Ours is a front door that opens onto the darker corners of the crumbling world that is Britain 2015. We hand out 5000 emergency food parcels a year in a town that is home to 50,000 souls. Then, as you can see from all of the book covers above, I am also a thriller writer. If you enjoy the blog, you might just enjoy the books. The link below takes you to the whole library in the Kindle store. They can be had for a couple of quid each.

Monday, April 29, 2013

What are these bloody people doing to Liverpool Football Club?

I was going to write this blog two days ago and I am glad I didn’t. Why? Because two days ago was Saturday morning and that was before Newcastle 0 – Liverpool 6. Getting a few things off my chest before such a great result would no doubt have set me up as being just yet another whinging Scouser.


Six nil is great, but it doesn’t even begin to cover up the fact that the people in charge of Liverpool FC seem hell bent on turning us into a complete joke. Once upon a time we had Peter Robinson in the boardroom, Bob Paisley in the dugout and King Kenny leading the line. Now we have Ian Ayre, Brendan Rodgers and Luis Suarez. You know what, having written those two sentences I could well stop right there. It kind of says it all, doesn’t it?

No doubt younger fans get heartily sick of old bastards like me harking back to the good old days of the 70’s and 80’s when we used to win stuff: all the time. Well you all best get used to it coz we ain’t shutting up any time soon.

I have got sick to the stomach over the last few years with the sight of one of the greatest football clubs on planet earth being turned into a laughing stock by a succession of fools and twats.

What an absolutely glorious time to be a Manc. As we all know, all Mancs are genetically engineered to crow and we just keep on giving them open goals. It seems almost incredible, but over these last few years we have actually managed to make the Glazers look good.

The list of miserable cock ups is all but too desperate to commit to paper. Maybe the most painless way to do it is a series of bullet points.

David Moores sells up to a loud mouthed pair of complete chancers for a few extra quid and an honorary life Presidency.

They promise a spade in the ground in six weeks.

They release stadium plans straight off a Star Trek set.

They sell players to pay bills.

They sack Rafa and give us Roy Hodgson.

Paul Konchesky and Christian Poulson.

More Americans.

Those bloody T shirts at Wigan.

A jumped up Uruguayan dickhead who gave his word to Kenny Dalglish that he would shake a hand.

A jumped up Uruguayan dickhead who was so full of himself that he broke that promise and make Kenny look like a mug.

As in the guy who attended each and every one of the 96 Hillsborough funerals.

And the only way that the club was belatedly forced into behaving with a bit of dignity was when an Asian Bank got on the phone and had a moan about spending £25 million a year on an outfit that seemed to be condoning racism.


We get to Wembley three times and Big Andy all but turns things around in the FA Cup Final – which by the way we lose to the European Champions.

One trophy and European football, fifteen months after King Kenny took on the team when they were fifth bottom.

So what do our gallant American owners do? They click their Ivy league fingers and order Kenny Dalglish onto a plane to Boston.

And they fire him.

I think I need to write that down again, don’t you?

They order Kenny Dalglish onto a plane to Boston and they fire him.

As in the guy who attended each and every one of the 96 Hillsborough funerals.

A few months later I hear Kenny’s son Paul on the Anfield Wrap saying that his dad doesn’t feel comfortable going to the match any more. How dare they?


Some marketing type must have figured that we needed a bit of positive PR in the wake of all the shite that had gone down.

So what did they do?

They did ‘Being Liverpool’.

For Christ’s sake.

They focused on a reality TV show instead of making sure we entered a season with more than one striker.

Then we were treated to week after week of David Brent speak bollocks from Brendan as he droned on and on about the magnificent progress the bloody 'group' was making. Once upon a time we had a ‘team’ and we won the league. Now we have a sodding ‘group’ and we finish seventh. And Rodgers and Ayre think we are all stupid enough to swallow their endless management speak about a ‘Project’.

And then our 'in house' Uruguayan dickhead decides that it is a good idea to try and bite a chunk out of a Serbian arm. Time for the great Liverpool PR machine to do its stuff again.

Ian Ayre tried the Machiavellian approach and suggested that we would not argue against a three game ban for violent conduct. Well that worked well, didn’t it Ian? I mean, they were really going to fall for that one weren’t they?

Did we get on the front foot and ban Suarez until the end of a season which is basically meaningless anyway? Did we hell.

Instead we seemed to be acting arrogantly and the FA chucked the book at us.

At which point Suraez’s people started to leak out the word that the great man was feeling all bullied and victimised and maybe it might be time for him to move on. At which point the Ivy League boys spit out their clam chowder big time. Holy Cow! Our £40 million balance sheet asset all of a sudden has the look of being a £20 million balance sheet asset!


So what do we do? We pander to the dickhead who decided to bite an opponent in full view of the Kop and about 20 HD TV cameras.

Mr Management Speak is duly wheeled out to announce to the world that Luis Suarez hasn’t let him down - not one little teeny weeny bit.

And the howls of laughter from Old Trafford get so loud that any self respecting Scouser needs plugs to go in the ears. And there is more. With Brendan, there always is. He goes on to say that he wishes all his squad had the Uruguayan’s mentality. I have been to every home game this season and seen some pretty ropey stuff. What I have not seen even for five minutes is a lack of effort. The players have given it their best shot, it just hasn’t been good enough. So basically Rodgers is saying that as well as 100% physical effort the players need to adopt the Suarez mentality and start diving, cheating and when all else fails, attempted cannibalism.

So Brendan. He hasn’t let you down? Well he has certainly let us down. The word is that modern day footballers insist that their contracts are based on what they get paid after tax. Suarez earns £6 million a year. Which means that the gross cost to the club for having him on the payroll is £10 million a year. What do we realistically expect for this? Let’s say 40 games a season. Which means that the club coughs up £250,000 every time he takes the pitch.

So now he is going to miss 10 games and the club will still shell out £2.5 million whilst he buggers off home to Uruguay or whatever. Let’s not forget what £2.5 million means. It is the amount the club will bank from 3000 of us season ticket holders. At a time when living standards are falling fast, the club has chosen to hike the prices of our tickets. Well, there’s nothing new in that. Since when did they give a shit about us? So they take £2.5 million of our money and give it to a clown who gets himself banned for ten matches for biting someone.

I’m glad you don’t feel let down Brendan because I most certainly do.

Here’s how things might have played out had the club decided for once to show a bit of genuine class.

Suarez bites Ivanovic.

The club come out and basically say that enough is enough and this is the final straw. They say that he will never again wear the red shirt of Liverpool and stick him straight on the transfer list. They don’t just say that the club is bigger than any player. They actually do it.

Then they say that they understand that many fans will be upset and concerned about the future without our arm chewing Latino.

OK they say. We hear you. So here’s what we’re going to do. We were planning on shelling out £10 million a year to keep Mr Suarez in the style he is accustomed to, but we’re not doing that any more. We could of course spend the £10 million on another mercenary.

But we’ve decided not to.

Here’s the thing. We have a whole bunch of great prospects who have just broken through from the Academy and we’re going to give them all a go next season. We’ll get Big Andy back and that means we will have three strikers for the new season instead of the one we started this season with. We’ll mix and match and make sure that Stirling, Shelvey and Suso get plenty of game time. Oh and by the way, we’ve also got this new kid on the block called Coutinho.


The big question.

What shall we do with the £10 million a year we have just saved by showing Suarez the door? Well, we’ve been giving this some thought. We’re getting an extra 35 million quid’s worth of TV money next year so things are looking pretty good.

So instead of investing £10 million in yet another jumped up mercenary, we have decided to invest it in you lot. Our 12th Man. The ones who are getting kicked in the teeth by the recession. The ones who are there through thick and thin. The ones who Bill Shankly once upon a time turned into a force of nature.

So what does that mean?

Good news guys. We’ll be sending each and every one of you who has a season ticket at Anfield a refund of £300.

That would get a bit of atmosphere back into the stadium.

That would set the kind of example to the football world that we used to set.

That would shut up the crowing laughter from Old Trafford.

And of course hell will freeze over before anything like this would ever happen because in the eyes of the Ivy leaguers we are just a bunch of mugs who exist to be ripped off.

Once upon a time we had Peter Robinson, Bob Paisley and Kenny Dalglish.

And we won stuff.

Now we have Ian Ayre, Brendan Rodgers and Luis Suarez.

And come we seventh.

If any of this rings a bell with you, I guess you might enjoy my book ‘King Kenny’s Revolution’ which is available in the Kindle Store by following the link below.

Why not check it out.


  1. Brilliant .......YNWA and the book is a great read if only it could be used as the new business model for a real revolution

  2. It's so sad that there are fans like you who do not respect the club.

    Calling the best striker we've had for years a dickhead is nothing but lame.

    You talk about Big Andy as if he's the next Ian Rush. We gave him two seasons, mate. Two seasons.

    In your style, I'll repeat - two seasons.

    And a player we got from another league, adjusted to a completely new way of playing, became our top goal scorer, is what you call a dickhead.

    If he were a dickhead, King Kenny would have sold him.

    But no. We have fans like you who call him a dickhead and give so much of a hoot about those silly Mancs crowing.

    You don't need to be a Liverpool for a really long time to be a true red. You need to be one who gets behind the manager and the players to be one.

    What's the difference between the plastic Chelsea fans and you, then? Both are complaining.

    And that's probably all that people like you will always do. Complain.

  3. No doubt you must have been totally happy when Hicks and Gillet were in charge. I expect we should have all stayed meekly quiet and never said a word as they turned us into the latest Portsmouth or Leeds. No doubt you are over the moon that FSG are jacking up the price of your season ticket despite being given a an extra £20 million windfall from Sky. Oh what the hell. They can do what they like to us and we will just keep smiling and getting ripped blind. I actually don't believe for a minute that Suarez is a racist. I accept what his wife says and when he crosses the white line he goes from Jekyll to Hyde. What I could not accept and still don't was his refusal to shake Evra's hand having given his manager a firm promise that he would. That was premeditated and the action of a man who is way too full off himself. Fair enough I am older than you. And fair enough, I have been spoilt over the years by trophies by the truck load. But like many others, I learned on 15 April 1989 that trophies are far from being the be all and the end all. I was one of the lucky ones who survived it. And in the weeks that followed I saw Kenny Dalglish and his wife Marina attend 96 funerals at a huge personal cost. After that, I will never accept anyone not treating him with the respect that he has earned. I don't suppose I will ever have any time for FSG after the way they behaved towards him. And I cannot respect Suarez for setting up Kenny for his fall. Does that mean I don't support the team in the stadium? No. I never slag off the players at the match. Does that mean that l will slavishly give my 100% support to a bunch of American bankers just because they happen to have bought the club? Be serious. The key to it is in the name. Liverpool. The grumpy, edgy, stroppy city that drove Maggie Thatcher round the bend. We don't doff our caps in Liverpool. And we don't turn a blind eye when someone shafts one of our own. If we had taken that attitude over the last 23 years then the ones behind the carnage at Hillsborough would still be sleeping safe in their beds. What I do accept is that simply calling Luis a dickhead is pretty stupid and lazy. Fair enough. Self absorbed mercenary would probably have been better.

  4. No one liked Gillet and Hicks.

    I agree that King Kenny wasn't treated with the respect he deserves. And we might have had Robinson, Paisley, and Kenny. But now we have Ayre, Rodgers, and Suarez.

    And I have faith that I'm going to talk about them the same way as you are about your heroes.

    I have hope in my heart that these people are going to shape the club once again into a force to be reckoned with. And that's the attitude I'd like all Kopites to have - be they 'old and spoilt' like you, or just started supporting.

    It's just not nice to see Liverpool fans of all fans saying such things in public about their players and manager. That's all I had a problem with.

    And club legend or not, Kenny was given much more funds than Rodgers. From what I've seen of Rodgers so far, however early it it to judge, his signings ARE astute. His players ARE scoring more goals. He IS getting Downing to play well. So maybe Kenny isn't as good as Rodgers as of now. What would you do if you were John Henry?

    We gave him funds and still he couldn't finish above last season, his temporary revival lasted only for the first five months he was in charge, he couldn't hold on to our best striker in the transfer window, letting him go to our rivals (Rafa held on to Gerrard, see what he is now), and to top it all finishes at a lower position next season, with the team showing an obvious lack of drive towards the end (apart from the cups) and a more than obvious lack of class!

    Okay, he won the League Cup, reach the FA finals, but anyone can reach FA finals, even Wigan.

    Consistency is the word and Kenny lacked it.

    You look at the number of goals scored this season (not just by Luis), look at the form Stevie's in, look at Downing's form (Hendo was bound to improve anyway), look at some of the performances this season. Not only have we converted more chances, we've also played better football.

    If you don't call that an improvement, if you can't bring yourself to admit that Rodgers did in one season what Kenny couldn't do in much more, then you're deluded.

    I'm not disrespecting the King. I'm just saying that maybe it was a wise decision after all.

    And you should think twice before slating management on a blog everyone can see. Ticket prices are bound to rise. The recession isn't affecting only the fans. And since you are one who cares so much about the howls of laughter from Old Trafford, I'm sure you won't be pleased to know they must be having quite a laugh at this post too - 'Oh look here! Another complaining Scouser, always the victims, them Scousers!' (And please, always the victims hasn't got anything to do with the tragedies. It's about how we think all the decisions go against us. They do, really.)

    Maybe a blog highlighting the progress the club's made this season won't do harm? Maybe a blog in which you don't make it seem that everyone at Liverpool are a bunch of losers who don't understand the club?

    I know I'm way younger than you are, but all I can say is walk on with hope in your heart, and, you know, you'll never walk alone.

    I don't wish to offend you with whatever I've said in my comments above. Cheers. :)

  5. They're you go Mark, apparently you have to put up and shut up. Should you lay down whilst they walk all over you. Sorry to patronise, but Suarez is a dickhead, Torres was leaving well before Dalglish arrived, and Carroll was more Comoli's signing. We have now been dragged amongst the also-rans by the sheer greed of Moores & Parry.